Why mistresses have all the fun

By: Louie Cruz
Philippine Daily Inquirer

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“ARE MISTRESSES homewreckers? It’s a stereotype.” JIM GUIAO PUNZALAN

Following the success of her book, “Mistresses Play, Men Stray, The Wives Stay,” the always sharp and eloquent Jullie Yap-Daza dishes out some thoughts on just how sweet forbidden fruit really is.

Louie: What is the difference between a girlfriend and a mistress?

Jullie: The difference is financial. Girlfriends are independent and can assert their independence by spending their own money. If you’re totally dependent, wala ka na (That’s it).

You’ve talked to a lot of mistresses. Can you tell us one particularly memorable story?

There was one woman who never called herself a mistress. She used the word “playmate” to describe her relationship with the man, who was then married. When the man and his wife got a divorce, he asked her to marry him, but she refused. She said they were only playmates. She knows she will never marry the man.

And then the woman also became the victim of a mistress. It turns out her husband was also seeing another woman. That’s what made her stop seeing her playmate. She said she didn’t want a place in hell.

Did she believe it was a sin?

For 25 years the woman did not take communion, and everyone kept asking her why. Finally one night, she told her story to her parish priest, over dinner. The priest gave her an absolution and called her story “a beautiful love story.”

I know a devout Catholic went to the priest to ask for forgiveness because of adultery. The priest said she couldn’t be forgiven because the affair was still ongoing.

A lot of priests themselves can’t claim to be completely…

But that doesn’t invalidate the sacrament of confession. I myself am not a devout Catholic, but I just follow the rules.

The Aleli and Grace war is like an open book. Many say that some women will only know if the husband was fooling around when he dies. Because someone else will be crying over his coffin.

There is actually such a thing as funeral service etiquette. One man had his two women in the same pew. Others were not allowed to come in. Other women take it upon their own not to go. One woman did not even want to go to her own husband’s funeral, worried that his mistress will be there. When she went to the service, the mistress was sitting in the front row. She had to sit all the way at the back.

Who is the most successful mistress?

A lot. These are the women who are recognized by the man’s family and accepted by society.

Are mistresses happy?

I think so. Why would they stay?

Even without marriage?

Mistresses should know it will never happen.

Why won’t some husbands ever leave their wives?

These men want to be in their comfort zone. A place where they are on familiar ground, and there is no need to uproot one’s self or learn new rules. They’re in a place where they are used to the house help, and they know where the bathroom is. They know the bad side of their wives and they know how to dominate them. Men want to have their cake and eat it, too. It is very rare for a Filipino man to leave his first wife to marry his mistress.

Do mistresses feel the man loves them more?

Yes. In the ’70s, a classmate of mine was head of an NGO that monitored sex and pornography on TV. During the course of their research they talked to little girls whose mothers watched television. Do you know what their mothers told them? They said they wanted to be the mistresses on TV instead of the wives. On TV, the wives are always shown wearing dusters, cleaning and suffering while the man goes off with his mistress in the sexy dress.

So if I form a partylist for mistresses, will I get enough votes?

A lot of our politicians won when it was revealed that they had mistresses.

Are mistresses homewreckers?

It’s a stereotype. It may not be her intention but that’s what the public perception is.

Why do men need mistresses?

I asked that question in the Rotary Club. A Canadian man said, “You know why we do it? We do it ‘cause we can get away with it.” It’s the forbidden fruit. The allure of mistresses in the shadows, that’s her mystery.

A man I know also said, “It’s nice to wake up with a beautiful face beside me.”

At one point in a woman’s life she has to choose whether she wants to keep her face or her figure. When a woman is thin her face is compromised, it’s sunken. But if she wants a younger-looking face with no wrinkles that means she has to choose to be fat. Mahirap maging babae. (It’s hard to be a woman).

So it is normal to have a mistress?

Yes. Even taxi drivers have mistresses. She might have a carinderia or be a labandera who washes his clothes for him. Madudunong ang mga taxi driver (Taxi drivers are smart). During a marriage, the husband and wife can experience a sexual death. The wife bears children, finds other sources of fulfillment, her body gets bigger…that is when men look for others. But you’ll be surprised. A lot of mistresses are not as pretty or as accomplished as the wife.

Why is this so?

Because mistresses don’t argue.  Here’s a quote from Jun Cruz: “At the end of the day I don’t need a bright woman to argue with, I just want a pretty girl who will shut up when she needs to shut up.” Men want somebody, someone who is low-maintenance emotionally. Men who have reached their Viagra stage especially lose a lot of confidence, and need women who try to restore it.

I know of a heterosexual, not bisexual, man who left his wife and kids for a transsexual, even if he knew she underwent a sex change. The transsexual told me it had nothing to do with sex. She simply fulfilled all his psychological needs.

Essentially, every man is a narcissist, especially mama’s boys. And Filipino men are all mama’s boys.

A typical Filipino man is always dominated by women throughout his life. First, he is dominated by his mother, then a girlfriend, then his wife, then his daughter, then his mistress, then maybe a “chimay,” if he is a “chimay” killer, then by Mama Mary when he is old, gray and dying. Who is at fault in the relationship, the man or the mistresses?

The men are to blame, not the mistresses. The Philippines is the only country left where people still go to Mass every Sunday, and pews are filled from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. and yet it is the also the only country where mistresses are freely flaunted. Also, we are the only country left without a divorce law.

So without the Catholic church, life wouldn’t be as sweet as this.

Yes, the “forbidden fruit.”

If there is divorce do you think people will still have mistresses?

Even in America where there is divorce, there are still mistresses. Divorce will never work here because men will be required to pay alimony. There are more men in Congress than women. Husbands can get away without paying a cent. During the Japanese occupation we had divorce in the country. The movie “Rosario” was about a woman ahead of her time in that period. She slept around, smoked and flirted. As punishment, she was exiled to Hong Kong for three years. Those were the days.

I still wonder why women’s groups like Gabriela don’t try harder to change the laws. The laws concerning concubinage and adultery favor the man. Men are only guilty if they are caught having an affair under scandalous circumstances, and it still has to be proven. For women, adultery is an automatic crime.

Women in Congress don’t want to change the laws because it’s against the church. And there is always the question of, “What will happen to the children?” It is usually the wives who don’t want to leave a marriage because of the children, not the husbands.

Do any of the women you’ve talked to call and say you portrayed them unjustly in your book?

I change the details so people cannot guess who they are.

What’s more embarrassing? To be a mistress or a cougar?

I’d rather be a mistress. Kung ako ang cougar ako pa magbabayad! (I’ll have to do the paying.)

Well, all good things in life need to be paid for: shoes, food, sex. What do you think about the highly publicized issue over the two women fighting over the rights to a man’s body on national TV?

I think it’s better than a telenovela. Parang scripted. Although I ask myself, “Who is the mistress there?” Even the media don’t know how to call the woman. The man was a tower of strength for the two women, but in the end, he was unable to offer a Solomonic solution.

Do you think money is behind the issue?

Why fight on TV? Why are they playing out this drama? It probably is.

What about mistresses who don’t get anything much financially from the men?

I don’t know. True love?

But how can anyone trust someone who is cheating on his wife?

At the back of their heads, they know this. After the first publishing of my book, I got a letter from a mistress who told me she thought there were only two of them in the man’s life. It turns out there’s a number 3.

They say numbers 1 and 3 usually end up on the same side, as with numbers 2 and 4. Does that mean the minimum for a Filipino man is 4?

Maybe even more.

What is the ending for mistresses?

The same as a wife’s. You’ll fall out of love. The currents come and go.

You grow tired of each other, the man becomes cruel.  You can experience sensory fatigue or sexual death, or he becomes boring or poor or sick. You just go with the flow. There are no rules. It’s a wise mistress who realizes that like everything, there’s an ending. Wise mistresses are the most successful mistresses. They know that husbands don’t belong to them.

Marketing Piña Globally As RTW

Piña will not be ‘somebody else’s material,’ says Lulu Tan-Gan

By EUGENE Y. SANTOS

Designer Lulu Tan-Gan believes in the global potential of piña for contemporary apparel

MANILA, Philippines — The piña fabric has long been used for nationalistic, formal wear in the Philippines. But for designer Lulu Tan-Gan, known as Philippine fashion’s “Queen of Knitwear,” piña has good potential to be used for contemporary apparel as well—and this can be seen in her eponymous brand’s Spring-Summer 2012 collection, where Tan-Gan’s signature knitted ensembles are paired with flat-patterned, handmade piña vests, capes, and ensembles that can be easily folded and washed (just use mild soap or a fabric softener).

“I think piña is not yet fully utilized by anyone here,” says Tan-Gan, on the aptness of piña for ready-to-wear clothing. “Piña is one of our country’s best indigenous materials.” It’s about materializing piña into practical, travel-friendly, and modern fashions for jetsetters and women with an active lifestyle. “We’re trying to break this impression of piña only being used for formal occasion clothes. We want to use it as well for everyday outfits,” relates Tan-Gan’s daughter Jessica, vice president for the Tan-Gan brand.

It was challenging at first because piña is a delicate fabric that should be handled carefully. Tan-Gan experimented with piña for three years and studied its properties and how it can be constructed properly into garments. “A sewing machine can be harsh on piña,” she shares, “and until now, I’m cutting piña by myself.” Tan-Gan also tinkered with the idea of putting knits and piña together in some pieces.

Knits and piña are two opposing materials. Knits are strong, tactile, and opaque whereas piña is thin, ethereal, and flimsy, as Tan-Gan puts it. To complement the usually fragile piña, Tan-Gan had to use finer yarns to produce finer knitted fabrics.

In the brand’s press note, Tan-Gan shares that the weights of piña and knit are “dissonant,” given “piña’s tendency to float and knit’s predisposition to collapse.” Thus, to achieve synergy in some clothes, Tan-Gan sewed “hidden trapezes that allow the knits to ‘float’ with the piña.”

On a wider aspect, Tan-Gan’s credo now revolves around “Indigenous Couture,” which aims to make Filipino artisanship more relevant today. While most brands resort to automated ways to briskly produce clothes, Tan-Gan is going back to handmade craftsmanship even if it means slower production (a piña piece or garment, depending on size and design, can be made from two or three days up to a week). “It’s almost impossible but we did it,” she says. “Everything’s handmade, hand-embroidered, hand-beaded, and hand-sewed.”

In addition, Tan-Gan sources her materials, such as wooden accents and synthetic beads, locally. Her piña supply comes from the provinces of Aklan and Palawan.

Tan-Gan also hopes to champion piña as an ingenious Filipino fabric worldwide. “Piña will not be somebody else’s material.”

To increase global awareness, Tan-Gan has hired Sergio Boero as her managing director. Boero is an Italian who helped expand brands like John Richmond and Corneliani and worked with fashion institutions like the Instituto Europeo di Design Moda Lab and Domus Academy, among others.

Boero’s primary agenda is to market the Tan-Gan brand internationally, placing piña on the forefront as a Filipino product. One key strategy is establishing online presence. Boero shares that they’re currently working on a new website. Online shopping is in the pipeline, supposedly set for June or July this year, to let buyers get their Tan-Gan fix in any part of the world with just a click.

2 church bells taken by Americans turned over to National Museum

By Tina G. Santos
Philippine Daily Inquirer

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MANILA, Philippines—Foreign Affairs Secretary Albert Del Rosario on Friday turned over to the National Museum a Philippine-American war artifact consisting of two church bells, reportedly taken by American troops from a church in Meycauayan, Bulacan in 1899.

The two bells are connected by a hard block of dark wood with a handle on top.

An inscription attached to the wooden block of the bells reads: “Taken from the Church at MEYCAUAYAN, Luczon (sic) Islands after bombardment by Utah Battery March 29, 1899. By P.O. Thomas, Co. A Batallion of Engineers.”

The artifact is approximately 10 inches long on each side and about 3.5 inches wide. It is estimated to weigh five pounds.

The church bells were said to have been taken by American soldiers from a church in Meycauayan, Bulacan, at the height of the war between Filipino guerillas and the occupying American forces.

According to the Department of Foreign Affairs, archivist Monte Kniffen of the Sisters of Mercy in Omaha, Nebraska found the artifact in July 2011 among a set of properties that were originally in the possession of the Sisters of Mercy convent in Red Bluff, California.

It was not known who gave the bells to the said convent, but Kniffen said that perhaps a small museum or a family could have turned it over to the convent after noting that they were church bells, the DFA added.

On Oct. 8, 2011, Sisters of Mercy Midwest Community USA president Sister Judith Frikker handed over the bells to Philippine Consul General to Chicago Leo Herrera-Lim.

In a previous interview, Del Rosario, a former Philippine envoy to Washington, called the bells “priceless pieces of our heritage.”

“Their return at this point of our history is a demonstration of the commitment of both the US and the Philippines to further solidify our close relations for the mutual benefit of our people,” Del Rosario said.

Apart from Del Rosario and National Museum director Jeremy Barns, also present during the turnover ceremony were Herrera-Lim, DFA Assistant Secretary for American Affairs Patricia Ann Paez, DFA spokesperson Raul Hernandez, National Museum Technical Advisor for Museum Development Dr. Ana Maria Theresa P. Labrador, National  Museum Board of Trustees Member and eminent historian Fr. Rene B. Javellana, S.J. and National Museum Head of Cultural Properties Division Angel P. Bautista.